


Certain Constants

by dragonQuill907



Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: I live for love confessions tbh, Love Confessions, M/M, Making Out, Mild Sexual Content, POV Hermann Gottlieb, gottlieb family drama, idk this was just an excuse to write them being tender, mentioned karla/vanessa, newt/ofc for like a minute, oh also newt swears, they might be ooc? because i have them talk about their feelings, this doesn't really have a plot i just wrote it?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-15
Updated: 2020-06-15
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:37:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24730132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragonQuill907/pseuds/dragonQuill907
Summary: “Will you please stop that wretched noise?” Hermann snapped. “I can barely hear myself think.”Newton shrugged. “Nah, man. Trash all your gross air fresheners first.”“The air fresheners are to keep the smell of your precious kaiju samples from wafting over to my side of the lab.”“Dude, they make the smell worse. All the chemicals and shit from my side aren’t gonna disappear because you want your side to smell like fucking cinnamon apples.”Or: Hermann and Newt get sad, drunk, and together (in that order).
Relationships: Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb
Comments: 19
Kudos: 72





	Certain Constants

**Author's Note:**

> Beta'd by my friend Emma!! Can't thank you enough :)

Newton worked diligently on his side of the lab, elbow-deep in a kaiju sample. His tongue poked out of his mouth as he concentrated, and his head bobbed along to the beat of his music. He wore thick gloves and goggles over his glasses (because, for all of Hermann’s complaining, Newton really was a professional, and he took his safety at least somewhat seriously). He looked ridiculous, but he was smiling anyway, and Hermann bit the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling back.

Not that Newton was smiling at Hermann to begin with.

A new shipment of kaiju samples had arrived on base that morning, and Newton wasted no time before diving into his research. His music rang throughout the lab, some hard rock garage band garbage that Hermann knew hadn’t been popular since the early aughts. He complained about it, certainly, but he couldn’t really find it within himself to dampen Newton’s good mood.

There were certain constants about their relationship that Hermann knew, without a doubt, he could rely on.

The first was that Hermann and Newton were friends. No amount of screaming matches or silent treatments could change that. For all their differences and all the insults they slung at each other, there was always that undercurrent of care and attention paid in either direction, whether they wanted to acknowledge it or not.

If pressed, Hermann might admit that there was no man on Earth who could understand him as well as Newton Geiszler could; there was no one who had looked with genuine interest when Hermann opened his heart and mind to them like Newton had when they began writing all those years ago.

They had been Something, once, and then nothing at all, and after years of working together in such close quarters, they were onto something new. It wasn’t exactly like that first Something (which, in Hermann’s mind, warranted a capital letter purely because he had never known quite what to call it): all naked admiration and unprecedented understanding. But it was good.

The second was that they never talked about the letters.

Newton knew things about Hermann that he’d never told anyone else. He knew that Hermann hadn’t called Lars his father in about fifteen years. He knew Hermann locked himself in his room for six weeks after his mother passed and nearly wasted away from starvation himself. He knew that the ire of his younger brother pained him more than he would ever truly admit. He knew about Hermann’s accident, and how he really felt about his leg and his cane and the looks people would give him for it.

The only comfort was that Hermann knew just as much about Newton — things that colleagues didn’t know but friends certainly did. The first time he skipped a grade and the older kids broke his glasses for showing off in class. The sharp disappointment he felt every time a professor or colleague shot down an idea that would have worked. The realization he’d had at fifteen that his mother cared about him, obviously, but harbored no real maternal love for him.

They never mentioned any of it.

A part of Hermann was grateful; as long as they didn’t acknowledge their days of letter-writing, he could keep those pieces of himself tucked safely away inside him, though it was something like hiding jewels in a glass safe. Those little bits of information were still Hermann’s to keep, but Newton saw them all just fine. There would be no reaching out and taking, no examining them in the cold hard glow of the lab’s fluorescent lights. There was only Hermann protecting and Newton seeing and neither of them saying a damn thing about it.

The third was that Hermann was head over heels in love with Newton — and he had been for some time, so long that it was just as much a part of him as his numbers or his bad leg. His name was Hermann Gottlieb, he was a mathematician and physicist, and he loved Newton Geiszler more than he loved life itself. Simple, really, and utterly inescapable.

Directly related to the third fact was the fourth: that Newton harbored no similar feelings for Hermann.

Hermann thought himself fairly obvious in his affections for the biologist, and in all the years they’d worked together, none of them had been returned. Of course Newton showed him kindness; he was a good man (righteously so), and he tended to treat everyone with the same good will unless they gave him a reason otherwise. Hermann was not a special case.

Newton showed no signs of being romantically interested in Hermann, and that was simply Hermann’s lot to deal with.

The fifth and final constant was that this could never, ever change.

Newton looked up from his work and caught Hermann’s eye. Hermann turned his look into a halfhearted glare, and Newton stuck his tongue out at him in return.

“Will you please stop that wretched noise?” Hermann snapped. “I can barely hear myself think.”

Newton shrugged. “Nah, man. Trash all your gross air fresheners first.”

“The air fresheners are to keep the smell of your precious kaiju samples from wafting over to my side of the lab.”

“Dude, they make the smell  _ worse. _ All the chemicals and shit from my side aren’t gonna disappear because you want your side to smell like fucking cinnamon apples.”

Hermann shot Newton another glare, but he quietly closed his air freshener. Newton was right anyway. He turned back to his blackboard and smiled to himself when Newton turned down his music.

For the life of him, Hermann couldn’t figure out how, but Newton must have realized something was off the moment he walked into the lab. The biologist strolled up to Hermann’s desk before he even looked at his side of the lab. Hermann glared at him, but Newton just grinned.

“Hey, Herms, what’s the buzz?”

“Excuse me?”

“What’s up, what’s shakin’?” Newton repeated. “You know what I mean. Why do you look like someone pissed in your tea this morning?”

Hermann scowled. “My younger brother is getting married.”

“Oh, that’s great!” Newton chirped, his whole face lighting up. “Weddings rock. I love a good party. Maybe I can be your plus one, eh, Herms?”

“I won’t be attending.”

“What! I’m sure you could get some time off.” Newton scoffed. He retreated from Hermann’s desk and set about preparing for his day of experimenting. “I mean, yeah, it’s the apocalypse or whatever, but we still have lives and shit–”

“I’m afraid the decision is final.”

“Oh, come on, Hermann. I’d want you at  _ my _ wedding– uh, wait, no, that’s weird. You know. I’d want my brother there, if I had any, I mean.”

Hermann rolled his eyes. “I would prefer not to discuss private matters at work.”

“Okay, don’t even give me that professionalism crap, we’ve been friends for years,” Newton quipped with a frown. “Plus, it would be good for you to take a break, and the next attack is projected for way before the wedding would even be, probably, and–”

“Well, then, as a  _ friend,  _ I ask you to drop the subject.”

Newton frowned. “Dude, as your  _ friend, _ I’m just saying that, like, you don’t deserve to miss huge family moments like your brother’s wedding just because you work for the government.”

“Dr. Geiszler–”

“Newt.”

“ _ Newton,”  _ Hermann snapped. “Drop it. Please.”

Newton held up his hands in defeat. “All right, man. Whatever you say.”

With that, Hermann went back to his blackboard and his equations, turning his back on Newton. Although he tried to focus on his work, it took more effort than usual to get the numbers flowing like they usually did. His mind kept wandering back to his conversation with Karla the night before.

Of course, Hermann had heard about Bastien’s engagement the moment it happened. Karla had called him months ago to share the news, and although he hadn’t seen Bastien in a few years, he really was happy for his younger brother. He had been prepared to put aside his differences with the rest of his family (sans Karla) to celebrate as well as he knew how. He had been prepared to bite his tongue and ignore whatever Lars said to him so that he wouldn’t ruin the wedding.

(Hermann had a habit of ruining parties, however unintentionally.)

The last thing Hermann wanted to do was explain to Newton why he hadn’t been invited to his brother’s wedding. Why he had to find out from Karla, who had only called to complain about how tacky the invitation design was. Why Hermann never bothered taking time off for family gatherings.

Of course, Newton already knew all that.

And, regrettably, he knew the difference between Hermann’s run-of-the-mill annoyance and his genuine anger. Newton had always been careful to invoke the former, as neither of them particularly liked the latter.

But Hermann was hurt more than he was angry. He could imagine Newton staring at him inquisitively, like Hermann was another one of his experiments, looking for the answer in something completely foreign to him. Knowing that something was wrong without being able to put his finger on it. 

The uncertainty must have been killing him, because he spoke up not long after Hermann had sent him away.

“You know you don’t have to, like, try so hard around me, right?” he asked, his casual tone completely mismatched to the question. “We  _ are _ actually friends, dude. Unless I’ve been kidding myself for the last three years, in which case, like, fuck me, right?”

Hermann frowned. “We’re friends.”

“Cool, cool, cool. Thought so.” Newton raised his eyebrows, threw out his arms. “So why don’t you tell me what’s up, man?”

“It’s not important.”

“Dude! Drop the robot act and talk to me.” Newton peeled off his gloves and chucked them into a biohazard bin. One caught on the edge and plopped sadly onto the floor. “It’s, like, way too early for this deep shit, but I can’t work with you pouting over here all morning.”

Hermann scoffed. “I am not  _ pouting.” _

“You should see yourself over there.” Newton grinned, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “You look sad as hell, dude. You’re not even using your dumb chalkboard, you’re just staring at it.”

“I’ve written several equations out, as you can see–”

“Yeah, but that’s not recent data, I saw those numbers last night.”

Hermann just frowned, knowing he’d been caught out. Newton dragged his desk chair across the lab, set it in front of Hermann’s desk, and sat cross-legged in it, drumming his fingers along the inside seam of his skinny jeans. Seemingly from nowhere, he produced a half-empty pack of oreos and popped one in his mouth.

“C’mon, Herms, sit and have breakfast.”

Hermann settled into his chair and turned up his nose at the offered snack.

“It’s barely ten, Newton. Honestly.”

“Hey, it’s two P.M. somewhere,” Newton replied. He held out a cookie, unfazed when Hermann didn’t take it. “I always have something sweet when I’m outta whack. It helps.”

“You’re always eating something sweet.”

Newton laughed, winked, and ate another cookie. Hermann wanted to melt into the floor and die. He hoped Newton didn’t notice how hot his face was.

“Yeah. Just take the fucking oreo, dude.”

Frowning, Hermann took the cookie from Newton’s hand and broke it into four pieces. Newton raised his eyebrows at it but didn’t comment, too busy licking the frosting off one side of the oreo in his hand.

“Bastien is getting married.”

“Uh, yeah, I caught that bit earlier. What, do you not like his partner or something?”

“I’ve never met Hanna,” Hermann admitted. “Karla seems to like her just fine, though.”

“Right. Okay, so... what’s the problem?”

“Karla called me last night to complain about the tackiness of the invitations. Something about embossed lettering,” Hermann replied. “Quite early in the conversation, we realized that I had received no such invitation.”

Newton’s face fell, and he swallowed hard. Crumbs were caught at the corners of his lips, and Hermann tried not to notice them.

“It might take a while to get here,” Newton replied slowly. “From Germany, right?”

“Karla is currently living in Australia with her wife, and she received hers just fine,” Hermann said. “She suggested the same last night, but all three of us know it’s just an excuse to delay the inevitable. There’s nothing to be done about it, but I do appreciate your concern.”

Newton shook his head. “Dude, this is huge. He can’t still be upset about you moving out.”

Hermann grimaced. He hadn’t talked about his falling out with Bastien since he hashed the whole thing out to Newton years ago, during their period of correspondence. He wasn’t eager to revisit it. Clearing his throat, he straightened himself and folded his hands in his lap.

“The resentment has grown, it seems, as I continue to defy our father’s wishes and work for the PPDC,” he replied. “Obviously, his loyalties now lie elsewhere.”

Newton’s mouth dropped open. “Holy shit.”

“Quite.”

“I mean, you gotta talk to him, he can’t just– just–  _ leave you out of his wedding, _ dude, that’s like– that’s like the most important day of his life! You gotta be there.”

“It’s well within his rights to deny me any invitation he likes,” Hermann replied. “I had hoped we could reconcile before something like this occurred, but it seems that that will not be the case.”

Newton shook his head. “You gotta fight him on this, man. You’ll both regret it if you don’t.”

“My family was never close to begin with,” Hermann admitted. Newton already knew that, but apparently it needed repeating. “I’m sure Karla and Deitrich were only invited as a formality; if Bastien had his way, none of us would be there.”

“Aren’t you and Karla close?”

Hermann shifted uncomfortably in his seat. It had been too long since he’d talked about his family with anyone, much less anyone who actually had context. He hadn’t realized how much of it was buried deep inside him until Newton came around with his pickaxe of annoying personal questions.

“I suppose.”

“Didn’t she invite you to her wedding?”

Hermann frowned, thinking back to the wedding picture he’d sent Newton in 2014 (at Karla’s insistence). He and Karla stood side by side, barely touching except for Karla’s steadying hand on his arm. He had looked decent, but, admittedly, Karla had looked rather nice in the suit she had picked out.

“You know she did.”

“Aren't you going to invite her to yours?”

Before he could stop himself, Hermann let out a shocked laugh. His face grew hot, and he regretted it instantly, watching in horror as Newton’s face fell.

“What, not a marriage guy?” Newton shoved another oreo in his mouth, looking almost disappointed. “I get it. Me too. Commitment is like, so overrated.”

“It’s not…  _ that,” _ Hermann replied. Part of him didn’t believe he was really having this conversation with Newton Geiszler, of all people. “I find the process a bit tedious. Dating, all that. It never seems worth it.”

Newton rolled his eyes. “Well, it’s probably for the best. It’d be hard to find a guy who could put up with all your neuroses.”

Hermann scowled. “Oh, I’m the one with neuroses now, am I?”

“Uh,  _ yeah,  _ dude.”

“As if  _ you _ have people lining up outside your door,” Hermann sneered. “You’ve got twice the dating pool but half the luck.”

Newton let out a sharp peal of laughter.

“Oh, holy shit, man. You’re killin’ me, but I am  _ not _ gonna sit here and argue about which one of us is getting lucky.”

“That’s not–”

“I think we both know I’d win that contest any day,” Newton teased. “No offense.”

“You’re a horrible little man,” Hermann grumbled, his face hot. “I despise you.”

Newton laughed again, and it wasn’t enough for Hermann to forget his hurt, but it was enough to warm his chest and send fuzzy feelings all down limbs. If he reached out and touched Newton, the static of his love might shock him.

“Aw, I love you too, Herms.”

“Perish.”

Newton cackled, and Hermann had to look away to keep himself from melting.

“Look, this thing with Bastien sucks, man. I can’t even imagine how that stings.” Newton handed him another oreo, and Hermann took it just to be kind. He’d drop it in the bin later when Newton wasn’t looking. “It’s not your fault, though.”

Hermann shrugged. “I’ve not made the situation any better,” he admitted. “I’ve argued until my face turned purple.”

“Oh, I believe you,” Newton said with another laugh. “But he’s still your brother, and you should be invited to his wedding.”

“He has the right to deny me entry,” Hermann sighed. “It’s easy to understand though difficult to accept.”

“Easy to– Dude,  _ what?! _ What are you talking about?!”

“You’re an only child, Newton. My relationships with my siblings are beyond standard definition.”

“Says Mr. Compulsively-Categorizes-Everything.”

Hermann did tend to do that. 

He scowled. “How dare–”

“Sorry.  _ Dr. _ Compulsively-Categorizes-Everything,” Newton quipped. “Okay, dude, I’m not gonna fight you on this. Just, you know. I’m sorry. It sucks. And I’m, uh. I’m here for you. If you need anything.” He flushed, adorable freckled face steadily turning pink. “Not that you’d need anything from me, I know. But I’m here. If you do.”

“Thank you, Newton. I’ll… keep that in mind.”

“Nice.”

Newton grinned and suddenly shot away, desk chair wheels spinning haphazardly as he rolled himself across the room.

Hermann shook his head before turning back to his own work. He was still hurt, but he had to admit that Newton had made him feel better. Carefully, after making sure Newton wasn’t looking, he ate his last oreo. If Newton heard him crunching from across the lab, he didn’t say anything about it.

On the day of Bastien’s wedding, Newton was in a worse mood than Hermann. He was sulking around his side of the lab, tearing through a kaiju sample and muttering angrily to himself. Music blared throughout the room, and Hermann already felt the headache he would have later.

Instead of walking to his own desk, Hermann made his way towards Newton’s work station and clicked off his stereo. Newton glared at him and clicked it back on without a word. Hermann clicked it off again, swatting Newton’s hand away when he tried clicking it on again.

“No, stop it!” he whined. “I’m  _ saaaaaaaad!” _

Hermann frowned. “I don’t care.” He and Newton both knew that was a lie. “Turn down your vile music and pull yourself together.”

Newton stuck his tongue out. “No way, man. Fuck you,” he said, without any venom. “Farah and I broke up.”

“I’m… sorry,” Hermann replied. “She was… good for you, I thought?”

Newton shrugged. “I dunno, man. It wasn’t really going anywhere. It was like,  _ whatever, _ you know?”

Hermann shifted uncomfortably. It wasn’t that he was conflicted; he’d been happy for Newton when he’d told him he was dating Farah, if a little disappointed that he wasn’t the one kissing Newton goodbye and bringing him lunch and asking him out to dinner. He even liked Farah well enough — she was a J-Tech who did work coding and recoding the jaegers, and they had plenty to talk about, considering she had been rather starstruck when she met him for the first time.

She was kind, bright, and didn’t think less of Newton for all his eccentricities. Hermann had been happy for him. Newton deserved someone who treated him right. To hear that he and Farah didn’t work out… well, it was upsetting. Despite his nonchalance, Newton looked destroyed, like he hadn’t slept at all the night before, hadn’t eaten, hadn’t showered.

“Well– no. I don’t know.”

Newton shrugged again. “Whatever, man. It’s fine.”

“Newton, if you wish to…  _ talk…  _ about it, I’m just on the other side of the lab,” Hermann said. “I’ll just ask you to keep your music to a reasonable level while we work.”

“Yeah, man.” Newton sniffled. “Whatever. Thanks.”

Hermann nodded and turned sharply on his heel, striding out of the lab with a new sense of purpose. The morose notes of breakup music followed him down the hall.

When he returned, he was silent except for the tap of his feet and his cane against the steel floor, headed straight for Newton’s side of the lab. He said nothing, simply placing an unopened pack of oreos on Newton’s desk before turning to his own.

Newton took one look at the oreos and started crying.

“Oh! Oh, dear,” Hermann spluttered. “I’m so sorry, Newton, I– I didn’t realize–”

“No, no, you’re fine, you’re great,” Newton blubbered, ripping off his gloves and wiping at his eyes. He attacked the packet of oreos like he was a dying man. “I’m sorry, that’s just so– so  _ nice, _ and I’m shit at breakups, man, and I’m just really bummed ‘cause it was my fault, and– and–  _ she _ broke up with  _ me, _ and I, like, totally deserved it but she was so fucking  _ nice _ about it that it makes it worse somehow? Fuck.  _ Fuck! _ I don’t know.”

Hermann just stared at him, not sure what to say. He hadn’t much experience comforting other people.

“I– I am sorry it didn’t work out.”

“Whatever. It’s fine. I’ll get over it, I just gotta… get my shit together and move on, right?”

Hermann frowned. “Well, I’m not sure that’s how it works.”

“It’s whatever, man.”

“Is it?”

Newton shrugged. “It’s whatever. Thanks for the cookies, Herms.”

“Ah… of course, Newton.”

Hermann turned back to his own side of the lab, mind wandering from his equations to Bastien to Newton and back again. They worked silently — as silently as work in the lab allowed. Newton’s music played quietly on his side of the lab, and the soft sound of Hermann’s chalk scratching against the board filled his. Every now and then, there was a shuffle of feet or the clearing of a throat, and Hermann found that he worked much less effectively without Newton’s chaotic energy filling their shared space.

All of a sudden, it was nearing six, and Hermann had made only a fraction of the progress he had been expecting. A glance over at Newton told him that the biologist wasn’t doing much better. He’d been sitting at his desk with his head down for about half an hour, only lifting his head to shove more oreos down his throat.

Hermann, on the other hand, couldn’t keep his thoughts on his work. Of course he was concerned about Newton, but most of his mind was consumed with the knowledge that in a few hours, Bastien would be married, and Hermann was still in Hong Kong. The only comfort he found from the whole situation was that Karla hadn’t been able to make the wedding either — prior commitments to her job and research at her university; unfortunately it meant that Hermann would have to scour Facebook for pictures of his own family. How distasteful (read: pathetic).

Hermann was so engrossed in his own head that he jumped when Newton called him, talking for the first time in hours.

“Hey, Hermann?”

“What is it?” he snapped, forgetting for a minute that Newton was hurting too.

“Uh,” Newton said. “I’m sorry? For being all sad today. I know it’s a bad day for you, and I really wanted to be there for you, not that you’d need me or anything, but, you know. I got fuckin’ nuked, man. I’m sorry.”

“There’s nothing to apologize for.”

“Nah, man. I was gonna–” Newton shook his head, ran his fingers through his hair. He stood and stripped off his lab attire. “Whatever. Look, this shit isn’t working, and by ‘this shit,’ I mean  _ me,” _ Newton said. “So I’m gonna go drown myself in ice cream, I guess. I’ll see you around, Herms.”

Hermann swallowed hard as Newton neared the door. Before he realized what he was doing, his mouth was open, and the words were out there, and he couldn’t take it back.

“I have wine.”

Newton turned, a look of confusion furrowing his brow. It was so damned cute Hermann wanted to die.

“Huh?”

“In my room. I have wine. It’s– It’s contraband, technically, and I had to pull some strings to get it, but– Anyway. I was saving it, for tonight, so I could wallow in my sorrows,” Hermann admitted. “I’m not proud of it, but. There it is.”

Newton nodded slowly. “Uh, good for you, man.”

“We should share,” Hermann blurted. “The wine, I mean.”

“Oh. Oh!” Newton grinned. “Are you serious?”

Hermann nodded. “You’re– We’re both… grieving, in a way.”

“Hell yeah, man,” Newton replied. “I’ll, uh. I have, like, a  _ shit ton _ of ice cream. Should we– I mean, we should probably eat real food today, right?”

“That would be responsible,” Hermann agreed. “Though I’d rather just stay in.”

“Gimme an hour, and I can be back with takeout,” Newton suggested. “Dude, this is– this is like the first time we’re hanging out outside of work in three years, do you realize that? And it’s ‘cause we’re both sad fucks.”

Hermann nodded. “Don’t make me regret it.”

“Oh, trust me, you won’t.” Newton swallowed, and Hermann tried not to notice. “So. Your room or mine?”

They ended up in the lab, since it was a neutral space and Hermann would rather die than allow Newton the opportunity to poke fun at his quarters. There was also the rather sick feeling Hermann got just from thinking of  _ drinking _ with  _ Newton _ in a room with a  _ bed. _ If he allowed his mind to linger on that thought for too long, if he wanted more than was given to him… it wasn’t fair to Newton.

So, for Newton, they ended up in the lab.

They’d had dinner in the lab more times Hermann could count, though never  _ together. _ Luckily there was a small break area in the back corner, mostly unused but still furnished with an old, tacky sofa and a coffee table that was more scuffed up than Newton was. Newton had toed off his combat boots and sat cross-legged on one side of the couch, his hands occupied with a takeout container and chopsticks.

“I got those little snap pea things you like,” he said, mouth full. “And I told them about your shellfish allergy, so I’m pretty sure you won’t die.”

“Lovely,” Hermann replied, pouring equal amounts of wine into two coffee mugs. (It was tragic, to treat such a fine bottle the way he was, but there were no wine glasses available, and mugs were better than the beakers Newton had suggested.) “Would you like to talk about today or would you like to get drunk?”

Newton laughed. “Well, I’m definitely getting drunk either way. You wanna start?”

Hermann sighed into his lo mein. “There’s not much to talk about. Bastien is getting married, and he didn’t want me there. End of story.”

“Is it?”

“I imagine I’ll miss such milestones in the future as well,” Hermann mused, “but I suppose I’ll deal with those sorrows as they come.”

Newton nodded. “Well, you could always get Karla to try to knock some sense into him.”

“She already has. Multiple times, if you believe everything Vanessa says. Apparently she’s called him four times now. I won’t be surprised if he gets another in a week.”

“Damn. Karla is so cool.”

“Oh, I’m sure you two would get along fabulously,” Hermann replied. “Both of you seem to have made it your life goal to inconvenience me as much as possible.”

Newton cackled, and Hermann’s heart thudded loudly in his chest at the sound.

“Aw, Herms!” Newton crooned. “Don’t get it twisted. It’s ‘cause we love you.”

Hermann flushed, and he shrugged. “I’m sure.”

“Definitely,” Newton assured. “Do you know if everyone else made it?”

“Lars and Dietrich will surely be there, though the wedding itself should start in about four hours.”

“Damn. Sounds like an awful party.”

Hermann wholeheartedly agreed. He watched in shock and distaste as Newton chugged half his mug of wine in one go.

“You better keep up with me, dude, I am  _ not _ getting drunk alone.”

Over the next half hour, Hermann tried his best to match Newton’s state of inebriation, which wasn’t particularly hard since he’d always considered himself a bit of a lightweight. Eventually their empty takeout containers were discarded and their mugs refilled. Hermann was lighter than he’d been in years, and he felt a few of his walls quietly receding.

Newton had surprised Hermann with the ice cream he’d stashed in the specimen freezer. Hermann turned up his nose at it but accepted it either way. Newton sat cross-legged again but moved so he was facing Hermann with his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands. Even now, with tears shining behind his glasses, Newton was the most adorable thing Hermann had ever seen.

“So, we went to dinner, it was nice, we were gonna watch a movie at hers, I thought.” Newton shoveled another spoonful of ice cream into his mouth. “But right in front of her door she turns to me and says that we’ve gotta break it off.”

Hermann wasn’t great at the whole comforting thing, so he let Newton talk until he couldn’t anymore. He just ate his ice cream (they each had their own carton, and there was another in the freezer) and listened.

“Did she say why?” he asked.

Newton nodded sadly. “Yeah. It’s not like she didn’t have a good reason. I’d break up with me too.”

Hermann frowned into his ice cream as Newton went on and on about Farah and their relationship. Although it seemed like Newton found no fault in Farah for ending things, he was more broken up about it than he wanted to admit. He sniffled into his ice cream, hastily wiped away tears, and extolled her virtues with a passion that was, if Hermann had to admit it, quite charming.

“She’s just so nice, and kind, and– Y’know, some people think those are the same thing, but they– they’re not, you know? They’re not,” Newton insisted. “Nice is– nice is like kind lite, you know, like, like, on the outside. But  _ kind _ is on the  _ inside, _ and you can be nice but not kind and vice versa but Farah was nice  _ and _ kind. She wasn’t funny but I didn’t mind that so much, ‘cause she thought I was  _ hilarious, _ even though I’m not, so that felt nice.”

“You’re not…  _ not _ funny,” Hermann said.

“Aww, thanks, Herms, that’s so  _ nice!” _ Newton exclaimed. “You know, you’re kinda funny, but I don’t think you try to be. It’s more like, just, your whole vibe. Hilarious. To me, at least.”

Hermann didn’t quite know how to respond to that. Newton just waved him off.

“It just sucks so bad, you know? I really liked her.” Newton frowned. “But she liked me more than I liked her. You know? I mean, it wasn’t fair.”

“What do you mean, it wasn’t fair?”

“Oh.” Newton stared resolutely at his ice cream. “It’s nothing. Not important.”

Hermann narrowed his eyes. For Newton to suddenly grow so tight-lipped was anything but usual.

“What is it?” he asked again. “There’s obviously something bothering you, and apparently it caused the demise of the longest-lasting relationship you’ve had since we were stationed here.”

“Okay, I’d hardly call four months ‘long-lasting,’” Newton quipped, “and, if you wanna be technical about it, my longest-lasting relationship at the Shatterdome is  _ you.” _

Newton immediately tensed, and Hermann sat back in shock (a small part of his brain wondered when he had started leaning forward), considering Newton’s declaration. They had been Something for a while before they met in person and friendly since beginning work in the Shatterdome, and even though they had been enemies (or something like it) in between, that hardly cancelled out the fact that Newton was his oldest and closest friend.

“Point taken,” Hermann replied. 

Newton relaxed into the sofa once again, frowning.

“I don’t wanna talk about this anymore,” he pouted, not unlike a toddler. “What are you gonna do about Bastien?”

That was the question Hermann had been avoiding asking himself for years. Not to say he hadn’t thought of it — in fact, he thought of it quite a lot. He just never attempted to answer it.

“There’s nothing I can do,” Hermann said. “He’s too stubborn to listen to reason.”

“So? You’re stubborn too.”

Hermann frowned at that, and Newton broke out into a huge smile.

“Can’t we just eat our ice cream and drink in peace?” Hermann asked. “Must we talk about the reasons we’re drinking?”

Newton shrugged. “Yeah, man. It’s good for you. Cathartic.”

“Not for me.”

“I know you’re, like, repressed, or whatever, but–”

“Repressed? I am not– How dare you suggest, simply because I refuse to be reduced to a snivelling mess–”

“It’s healthy to get your emotions out so they don’t clog up your whole shit!”

“–the  _ slightest  _ provocation! Explain how it’s  _ my _ fault that you–”

“Dude!”

“–cannot function without feeling each emotion at its very peak.”

“I mean, I’d rather do that than feel nothing at all, man,” Newton said. “I  _ know _ you know what that’s like.”

Hermann let out a sigh. He was beginning to develop a headache, and his mug was half-empty again, and Newton was looking at him with wide, sad eyes. Rolling his eyes, he placed his ice cream on the coffee table and folded his hands in his lap.

“Talking for talking’s sake has never particularly helped me,” he explained, “though I’m sure you might have guessed it. There’s no solution to my problem with Bastien; therefore, there’s no point in wasting my breath over it.”

Newton shrugged and looked dejectedly into his ice cream.

“If it helps you,” Hermann began hesitantly. “If it helps you, I’m here. To listen.”

It was quiet for a moment as Newton seemed to absorb Hermann’s offer. Hermann stiffened (which he almost hadn’t thought was possible) and let out a shaky breath. The silence dragged on.

“Or not,” Hermann amended.

“I’m… trying to figure out how to word it.”

Hermann raised his eyebrows. “That’s uncharacteristically thoughtful of you.”

“Hah. I know. It’s… important.”

Hermann waited. He finished out his wine. Newton chewed thoughtfully on his bottom lip.

“I’m in love with someone else,” he said finally. Hermann nearly choked, but he managed to put (what he hoped was) a supportive and interested look on his face as Newton continued. “I have been for, like, longer than I can even remember. I told Farah about it when we started dating. Fair warning, you know? And she was cool with it, but, well. She kept getting more serious about me, and… I just can’t do the same.”

“I… I’m sorry.”

Newton shrugged. “I’m fine with it. They, uh– There’s no way he’d feel the same way, so it’s not even– it’s not even a thing that could ever happen.”

Hermann couldn’t help but turn up his nose. “Oh, Newton. He’s not straight, is he?”

That startled a laugh out of him, and Hermann couldn’t help the smile that tugged at his lips.

“No, god, no,” Newton giggled. “He’s not– He’s  _ not _ straight. He likes men. He just doesn’t like me.”

“Then he’s a fool,” Hermann said. Newton’s head snapped up, and he stared at Hermann with wide eyes. His cheeks were pink and his mouth was open and Hermann felt himself blushing. “Well. I’m sure, if you told him, he might be amenable. It couldn’t hurt.”

“Dude, no way in  _ hell _ am I doing that,” Newton refused. “It’d only ruin my  _ entire life.” _

Hermann rolled his eyes. “Always with the dramatics. How are you so sure, then?”

“God, maybe I just wanna complain about it to someone other than my dad. Why do you always have to pick at shit?”

“You have a problem,” Hermann said. “We should try to fix it. Obviously.”

Newton groaned, scrubbing his hands over his face. “You can’t fix it! It’s unfixable! It’ll never be fixed!”

“I don’t understand.”

“I can’t tell him. It’s– It’s just– It’s my problem to deal with and not his,” Newton said. “And not yours! You really don’t have to worry about it.”

“I doubt it’s as serious as all that.”

“No offense, dude, but you literally don’t know what you’re talking about. I’d rather have him as– as a friend than not at all.”

Hermann frowned, trying to think of any friends Newton might have made when he wasn’t paying attention. A hot flash of jealousy uncurled in his chest at the loyalty and devotion Newton showed to a man who didn’t even return his feelings. Some shameful little part of his mind kept asking why it couldn’t be  _ him _ Newton was talking about.

“Then I stand by it,” he said instead. “He’s a fool. You’re… You’re a good man, Newton. If he doesn’t return your affection, then I believe you could do much better.”

“Hey, don’t talk about my man like that,” Newton scolded, but his voice was soft, and Hermann almost felt bad. “It’s not his fault.”

“That doesn’t matter. There are plenty of people who would consider themselves lucky to be with you,” Hermann said. His heart pounded in his chest. “Who would gladly take whatever love you would give them.”

Newton laughed wetly, and Hermann caught the tears in his eyes before he wiped them away.

“Please don’t say things like that to me,” Newton said, voice low. “At least not when we’re drinking, man. I dunno if I can take it.”

He smiled, and something inside Hermann cracked. He reached out and placed his hand on Newton’s (so ridiculously warm), though he couldn't remember deciding to do that. Newton stared at the hand but didn’t move away.

“What’s he like, then? Your mystery man?”

Newton chuckled, twisted his wrist so he and Hermann were just barely  _ holding hands. _ If this had been a period novel, and Hermann the leading lady, he would have fainted at the feeling of Newton’s capable fingers brushing against his. But it was 2023, and he was a grown man, so he swallowed hard, tried to keep his hand from shaking. He failed.

“He’s, uh– He’s the smartest guy I know.” Newton smiled fondly, pretty hazel eyes flicking up to Hermann’s for only a moment. “He’s weird as shit but, like, I love it. I think he, uh. I think he balances me out, a little bit. I feel calmer when I’m around him. Normally I’m all  _ go go go  _ a million miles an hour, but you– uh, you know, he slows me down. It’s nice, not to be all over the place.”

“I could see why you might like him so much,” Hermann said, biting back jealousy. “He sounds… good for you.”

“Yeah, I think so too. Unfortunately he’s the biggest dumbshit I’ve ever met.”

Hermann drew back. “What?”

“Come on, Hermann.” Newton ran a shaky hand through his hair. “Two plus two, buddy. Aren't you a mathematician?”

“I– I don’t understand.”

“Honestly, dude, I don’t either. I’m, like, real fucked up about Farah and this whole shitty situation, and you just– you’re saying a lot of things right now and I don’t know if it’s because of the wine or if I’m just being too– I don’t fucking know, man. Am I missing something?"

Newton brought his hand up to his mouth to pick at his bottom lip, something he usually did when he was nervous or distracted. Hermann reached out, and when Newton didn’t pull away, Hermann gently took hold of his hand and put it back in his lap. To his surprise, Newton grabbed his hand before he could pull away.

“I am sorry if I’ve made you uncomfortable, Newton. It was truly never my intention.”

“You didn’t. I’m just confused.”

“I… There are certain feelings of mine that, like you said, are my responsibility to bear. Not yours.”

“What feelings?” Newton breathed. He gripped Hermann's hand even tighter. His eyes were wide and clear and so earnest that Hermann couldn’t imagine telling him anything but the truth.

“I’ve tried my hardest not to let it affect my work or yours,” he said, ignoring Newton’s little chuckle, “but I… I do love you, Newton. Quite a bit, in fact. And it– hearing you so enamoured with a man who cannot see what is right in front of him–”

Newton let out a loud, clear laugh. “It’s you,” he said. “You idiot. I’ve been in love with you since I can remember. I didn’t think–”

“What? Why wouldn’t you have–”

“You’re always so focused on your work, and I didn’t–”

“–at least! I’m the only physicist in this godforsaken Shatterdome, of course I’m focused on my  _ work.” _

“–never gave me any hints! I literally flirted with you, what did–”

“You flirt with everyone, Newton, how was I supposed to know if you were sincere about–”

“–I was doing,  _ practicing?!” _

“And I am not ‘weird!’ Not  _ nearly _ as weird as you are, you– you–"

“Dude”" Newton laughed. “You’re totally weird. You have weird hair and awful clothes — don’t get me wrong, I like your clothes! I love them, really. They’re very you. You’ve got this whole tortured gay academic vibe and I’m super into it, but it’s, like–” Newton stopped to laugh again, face open and full of so much joy Hermann thought he might burst. “It’s like you’re fucking begging people to notice that you’re gay. You have your own gay radio waves – oh, gaydio waves! You have these gaydio waves fuckin' emanating off you like– like– like a force field that keeps straight people ten feet away from you at all times, and I  _ love it _ because you don’t apologize for it  _ at all.” _

Hermann’s mouth dropped open, and he wasn’t sure if he was offended or flattered.

“Says the man who wears cuffed jeans and Doc Martens every day,” he replied eventually. “Honestly, Newton. We all know you did theatre in high school, you don’t have to write it out so plainly.”

Newton cackled, and Hermann grinned back.

“God, I really wanna kiss you right now, Herms.”

Hermann flushed, gripped Newton's hand a little tighter. “Yes,” he said. “Yes, that would be… nice.”

Newton shifted closer, avoiding Hermann’s bad leg, until they were right in each other’s space. Hermann felt Newton’s breath ghost across his cheek, and he reached out to rest his hand on Newton’s face. Much to Hermann’s delight, he melted into the contact, his eyes sliding shut and his whole body relaxing.

“I’m going to kiss you now.”

Newton nodded, and his lips parted. Hermann was almost frozen by the sight of Newton so ready and willing in his hands. Almost.

He leant forward, pressing his lips against Newton’s, and Newton immediately surged forward. One hand grabbed Hermann’s arm, keeping his hand cradling his stubbled cheek, and the other made its way to the back of Hermann’s skull, scratching lightly at the hair on the nape of his neck. Hermann let out a little noise of pleasure at the new sensation, and Newton responded in kind. He kissed Hermann like his life depended on it.

Newton had always been tactile; that’s why Hermann didn't mind so much when Newton pushed even further into his space, swinging a leg over Hermann’s lap. He supported his own weight, kneeling over rather than sitting on him, and although Hermann had to crane his neck to reach Newton’s lips, he couldn't complain about the kisses Newton was showering all over his face.

“You can touch me,” Newton rasped against his jaw. “Please, touch me, Hermann.”

For once, Hermann did as Newton told him. He ran his hands down Newton’s chest, watching the way the other man trembled and gasped at the sensation. Newton attached his lips to Hermann’s neck and bit down slightly, laving his tongue over the spot in a silent question. Hermann nodded, and Newton went to work leaving mark after mark.

“So much for professionalism,” he chuckled. “You're gonna look like you got fucked six ways from Sunday.”

“I certainly hope so,” Hermann said. His hands tightened around Newton's waist, and Newton let out a needy whine. His hips rolled down, and they both gasped at the friction. “My room?”

Breathing hard, Newton nodded frantically against Hermann’s neck.  _ “God, _ Hermann, you’re gonna kill me. I’m literally gonna die.”

Hermann chuckled and pulled away. “Let’s clean up, then.”

“Jesus Christ,” Newton groaned. “Are you serious?”

“I refuse to get ants in this lab simply because we would not spare a moment to pick up after ourselves,” Hermann said. “Besides, I think we both need a moment to… calm down. Gather our wits, if you will.”

Newton looked down at his own lap and blushed from his ears to his chest. Hermann already couldn’t wait to see him like that again.

“Yeah,” he finally agreed. “Yeah, that’s– that’s a good idea, man.”

Suddenly his eyes lit up. Hermann looked back at him unamused, holding a melted carton of ice cream in one hand and dirty takeout containers in another.

“Hey, so, are we like,  _ together _ now?”

Hermann raised an eyebrow. “I thought that’s what you wanted.”

“It is! It really is, the most I’ve ever wanted anything,” Newton assured. “I just wanted to make sure before I break out the romantic nicknames.”

Hermann sent him a halfhearted glare. “Don't you dare, Newton Geiszler.”

“Stop being hot at me,” he whined. “You’re making this whole ‘gathering my wits’ thing  _ really hard.” _

Hermann rolled his eyes and stepped towards Newton, bending over him and taking a little risk.

By the way Newton’s eyes blackened when Hermann tugged on his hair, Hermann figured he had calculated correctly. Newton let out a little surprised breath and nearly melted into the sofa.

“Help me with the mess, dear.”

“Uh, yeah. Yeah, I can– do that. Yup.”

Newton scrambled to his feet and cleared the coffee table in almost no time. He stood proudly displaying his work, bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet.

“So,” he said with a grin, “your room?”

There were certain facts of Hermann’s life that were constant, reliable, dependable.

The first was that Hermann Gottlieb loved Newton Geiszler more and more each day. With every kiss goodnight, every morning coffee, every late night dinner, Hermann grew into his love for Newton. His was a quiet love best expressed through service, and Newton seemed to thrive on the little acts of kindness Hermann performed for him throughout the day.

The second was that Newton loved Hermann with twice the ferocity and enthusiasm he ever could have imagined. Newton’s love was loud and brash and beautiful, and those first few weeks, whenever the full force of it was directed towards Hermann, he’d blushed from head to toe.

The third was that Hermann didn’t want a life without Newton as his partner. Several late night conversations had made it clear that Newton felt the same way. They had held each other close, and Newton had cried (though he denied it every time Hermann insisted upon it), and although they hadn’t made any plans, the knowledge that this was  _ it _ for both of them was quite a relief.

The fourth was that this would never, ever change.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment or a kudos if you liked it! Also feel free to yell about characterization or whatever if something doesn't really vibe right
> 
> ALSO in an effort to become more entrenched in the Pacific Rim fandom i've made a sideblog on tumblr!! you can now find me at kingeiszler because, while I love writing in Proper and Repressed hermann's pov, I kin chaotic punk newt geiszler
> 
> :)


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